The Worst Tweets from the Early Days of MLB Twitter Accounts

Los Angeles Angels

There is so much hope and happiness in this tweet, the first ever from the official Los Angeles Angels (of Anaheim) account. “Defending AL West champion” sounds nothing like a team that will eventually ruin the early portion of Mike Trout‘s career and just genuinely suck for the next 10 years.

Seattle Mariners

Jason Bay? Josh Hamilton? Ichiro Suzuki? KEN GRIFFEY JR.? The 2009 American League All-Star team had quite the outfield of players who are now retired — with one straight up already in the Hall of Fame now.

Oakland Athletics

“Tamba Bay”

New York Yankees

There’s nothing particularly funny about this, but this was the first tweet for the Yankees in a year at the end of which they won their 27th World Series title. Walk-off Week Welcome to the Official Twitter of the Evil Empire.

Boston Red Sox

I suppose they did gradually ramp this up.

Baltimore Orioles

Congratulations to David Hernandez, whose win in his MLB debut was the subject of the Orioles’ first tweet. He sure has a long and successful career ahead of him.

Except, Hernandez went 12-18 with an ERA around five as an Oriole, and they traded him after the 2010 season. He has not started a game at the major-league level since.

Tampa Bay Rays

Much like the Angels’ first post, this one from the Rays seems so hopeful and confident, as though Tampa does not host a team that shows no reluctance to completely gut its roster to save a couple of bucks. But hey, Blake Snell is good!

Toronto Blue Jays

“He is Canadian!” is now “He is likely the ace of our division rival and he is almost certainly going to mow us down this upcoming season! Yeah!”

Besides, James Paxton has had success pitching in Toronto before.

Cleveland Indians

“Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal: Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal” really slams home the news of the Tribe and first-round pick White reaching a deal. This is the “They did surgery on a grape” of baseball.

Alex White has been out of the majors since 2012 after pitching two seasons and recording a 5-13 record with an ERA over six.

Chicago White Sox

I really hope you try that turkey at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, which was demolished after a roof collapse in 2014. Delicious.

Minnesota Twins

But it’s okay that the Metrodome is gone, because Target Field is ready to go. Rejoice, Twins fans.

Detroit Tigers

I really feel for your Blackberry. At least the battery life on those was pretty good.

Kansas City Royals

Zero retweets, zero likes, zero replies. I could not confirm if any Royals fans went to the I-70 series in St. Louis that weekend.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Welcome to Mannywood.

San Francisco Giants

This is a very weird thing to tweet for your first post ever, Giants. I hope the club is well-rested, though.

San Diego Padres

As a native Texan and someone who has spent many summer days in the Arlington area, I feel this one. Truly a hidden gem of intense saltiness about our state’s climate.

Colorado Rockies

The Colorado Rockies were very late to the Twitter party. Their first tweet is marked a full year after some of the other clubs made the foray onto the site. I guess their current-day Twitter presence, which is absolute fire and a must-follow, makes up for it.

Arizona Diamondbacks

Ah man, that bum Max Scherzer is pitching for the Diamondbacks here on April 14, 2009. I wonder if he is ever going to accomplish anything. Maybe Arizona should just give up on him already.

Atlanta Braves

Has anyone ever … uh, seen some fireworks before?

Washington Nationals

We all need online support, Ryan Zimmerman. You aren’t special.

New York Mets

No Mets fan has ever enjoyed anything, but nice try.

Philadelphia Phillies

[Paul Bremer voice] Ladies and gentlemen … we got him.

Miami Marlins

Hmm, that Giancarlo Stanton guy is really tearing it up with the Jacksonville Suns. The Marlins are going to love having him on board for the next 15-20 years as he leads the team back to pennant contention…

Chicago Cubs

[Googles common baseball terms] Alright guys, let’s, um, get some runs!

Pittsburgh Pirates

i am not going to properly capitalize this section because of this wonderful little tweet. “pirates plan to start daniel mccutchen tomorrow in cincinnati” is a gem and i will not be convinced otherwise. mccutchen got a no-decision in a pirates’ 4-3 loss to the reds on august 31, 2009, after pitching six innings and allowing three earned runs.

he struck out five of the 25 batters he faced and allowed a solo home run to drew stubbs. mccutchen also had a hit as a batter in the game, the first of a day/night double-header. alright, thanks.

St. Louis Cardinals

Editor’s proof that Smoltz was a Cardinal: Here he is playing catch before Game 2 of the NLDS at Dodger Stadium on October 8, 2009.

Oh, cool! I am going to purchase a jersey of my favorite player on the 2009 Cardinals, John Smoltz! (Believe it or not, that actually happened!)

Cincinnati Reds

Can anyone help me out here? I want to know if the white car won the KOI Auto Parts race on the video board at Great American Ballpark on April 29, 2009. Please?

Milwaukee Brewers

Your regular reminder that Prince Fielder rules.

That’s all 30 teams, and that’s 30 pretty terrible tweets. If you have the link to any other awful, early tweets from major-league clubs, drop them down in the comments or on my Twitter, @TomDorsa.