Back when Twitter soared in popularity in the spring and summer of 2009, sports teams all around North America felt increased pressure to join the platform. The only problem: absolutely nobody knew how to use Twitter the way we do in 2018. Most of the tweets posted were links to news websites or Facebook posts.
Twitter is an integral resource for the 30 clubs around Major League Baseball now, but when they were just getting started on that hellscape of a website, it was nothing like the Twitter community MLB teams and fans have now. MLB clubs did exactly what everyone else did, in tweeting links to their website and also providing mundane live commentary on games.
Case in point: there are some awful tweets out there, accredited to and sent by the authentic, verified MLB team accounts. Back before teams would employ social media experts to run their feeds, it was mostly front office personnel or members of a team’s promotion staff running the accounts, and as you might expect, it was horrible.
But looking back almost ten years into the past, we can now treat ourselves to some bangers from the early days of MLB team Twitter accounts. Here are the worst tweets from all 30 MLB teams, from an era full of horrendous posts.
astros.com >> Ace Oswalt gets call in opener at Wrigley http://bit.ly/3f0xf9
— Houston Astros (@astros) August 31, 2009
This was the Astros’ first tweet ever, and I really hope Roy Oswalt — one of my favorite pitchers when I was a kid — fared well in his start.
Or how about the NBA 1-on-1 competition during halftime back in the 1972-73 season…Bob Lanier won that baby #hrderby
— #ThankYouAB (@Rangers) July 14, 2009
Nobody wants to read about anything but facts from the 1972-1973 NBA season during the Home Run Derby, right? Congrats, Bob Lanier.
Los Angeles Angels
Welcome to the official Twitter of the defending AL West champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim! Vote All-Stars at http://angelsbaseball.com
— Angels (@Angels) May 12, 2009
There is so much hope and happiness in this tweet, the first ever from the official Los Angeles Angels (of Anaheim) account. “Defending AL West champion” sounds nothing like a team that will eventually ruin the early portion of Mike Trout‘s career and just genuinely suck for the next 10 years.
A.L. OF All-Star balloting update: 1. Jason Bay 2. Josh Hamilton 3. Ichiro 4. Ken Griffey Jr. – Vote Mariners & win! http://bit.ly/17F6fh
— Seattle Mariners (@Mariners) June 2, 2009
Jason Bay? Josh Hamilton? Ichiro Suzuki? KEN GRIFFEY JR.? The 2009 American League All-Star team had quite the outfield of players who are now retired — with one straight up already in the Hall of Fame now.
After we take on Tamba Bay tonight watch a post game fireworks show from the field! It’s going to be fun… we’ll see you there! Go A’s!!
— Oakland Athletics 🌳🐘⚾️ (@Athletics) April 24, 2009
New York Yankees
Walk-off Week Welcome to the Official Twitter of the New York Yankees! Single-game seats are available at http://is.gd/B3Gq
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) May 18, 2009
There’s nothing particularly funny about this, but this was the first tweet for the Yankees in a year at the end of which they won their 27th World Series title. Walk-off Week Welcome to the Official Twitter of the Evil Empire.
Boston Red Sox
This is the official Twitter of Red Sox Nation, from the Sox front office. Will gradually ramp this up. Start out here: http://is.gd/B3sm
— Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) May 18, 2009
I suppose they did gradually ramp this up.
orioles.com >> Hernandez debuts with a win http://tinyurl.com/nw8lze
— Baltimore Orioles (@Orioles) May 29, 2009
Congratulations to David Hernandez, whose win in his MLB debut was the subject of the Orioles’ first tweet. He sure has a long and successful career ahead of him.
Except, Hernandez went 12-18 with an ERA around five as an Oriole, and they traded him after the 2010 season. He has not started a game at the major-league level since.
Tampa Bay Rays
Welcome to the Official Twitter of the 2008 American League Champion Tampa Bay Rays! Here’s our Fan Value Corner: http://is.gd/B5dk
— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) May 18, 2009
Much like the Angels’ first post, this one from the Rays seems so hopeful and confident, as though Tampa does not host a team that shows no reluctance to completely gut its roster to save a couple of bucks. But hey, Blake Snell is good!
Toronto Blue Jays
Jays select left handed pitcher James Paxton (University of Kentucky) with their compensatory pick (for losing AJ Burnett) He is Canadian!
— Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) June 10, 2009
“He is Canadian!” is now “He is likely the ace of our division rival and he is almost certainly going to mow us down this upcoming season! Yeah!”
Besides, James Paxton has had success pitching in Toronto before.
Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal: Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal http://bit.ly/171Eed
— Cleveland Indians (@Indians) August 18, 2009
“Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal: Tribe, first-round pick White reach deal” really slams home the news of the Tribe and first-round pick White reaching a deal. This is the “They did surgery on a grape” of baseball.
Alex White has been out of the majors since 2012 after pitching two seasons and recording a 5-13 record with an ERA over six.
Chicago White Sox
— Chicago White Sox (@whitesox) July 29, 2009
I really hope you try that turkey at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, which was demolished after a roof collapse in 2014. Delicious.
Spent some time at Target Field this afternoon. The lights are up on the scoreboard!
— Minnesota Twins (@Twins) May 14, 2009
But it’s okay that the Metrodome is gone, because Target Field is ready to go. Rejoice, Twins fans.
should I start responding to your questions? it might blow-up my blackberry, but it could be fun. we appreciate your support!!!
— Detroit Tigers (@tigers) May 23, 2009
I really feel for your Blackberry. At least the battery life on those was pretty good.
Kansas City Royals
Happy Friday! Any Royals fans going to the I-70 series in St. Louis this weekend?
— Kansas City Royals (@Royals) May 22, 2009
Zero retweets, zero likes, zero replies. I could not confirm if any Royals fans went to the I-70 series in St. Louis that weekend.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Manny gets hit #1!
— Los Angeles Dodgers (@Dodgers) April 8, 2009
Welcome to Mannywood.
San Francisco Giants
Giants are enjoying 1 of 4 off days today leading up to All-Star Break.
— San Francisco Giants (@SFGiants) May 28, 2009
This is a very weird thing to tweet for your first post ever, Giants. I hope the club is well-rested, though.
San Diego Padres
Cold front in Arlington — only 99 degrees for first pitch tonight.
— San Diego Padres (@Padres) June 29, 2009
As a native Texan and someone who has spent many summer days in the Arlington area, I feel this one. Truly a hidden gem of intense saltiness about our state’s climate.
— Colorado Rockies (@Rockies) June 29, 2010
The Colorado Rockies were very late to the Twitter party. Their first tweet is marked a full year after some of the other clubs made the foray onto the site. I guess their current-day Twitter presence, which is absolute fire and a must-follow, makes up for it.
1. Lopez -2B; 2. Byrnes – LF; 3. Drew – SS; 4. Tracy – 3B; 5. Clark – 1B; 6. Young – CF; 7. Montero – C; 8. Upton – RF; 9. Scherzer – P
— Arizona Diamondbacks (@Dbacks) April 14, 2009
Ah man, that bum Max Scherzer is pitching for the Diamondbacks here on April 14, 2009. I wonder if he is ever going to accomplish anything. Maybe Arizona should just give up on him already.
Enjoying the off day before the Astros come in town tomorrow. Friday night Fireworks again this season. Anyone watched them before?
— Atlanta Braves (@Braves) April 30, 2009
Has anyone ever … uh, seen some fireworks before?
nationals.com >> Zimmerman needs online support http://tinyurl.com/lwadnj
— Washington Nationals (@Nationals) June 29, 2009
We all need online support, Ryan Zimmerman. You aren’t special.
New York Mets
Welcome to the Official Mets Twitter – hope you are enjoying the season so far!
— New York Mets (@Mets) May 11, 2009
No Mets fan has ever enjoyed anything, but nice try.
Phillies express interest in Halladay: Phillies express interest in Halladay http://bit.ly/qXzWJ
— Philadelphia Phillies (@Phillies) July 9, 2009
[Paul Bremer voice] Ladies and gentlemen … we got him.
marlins.com >> Stanton’s six RBIs power Suns http://bit.ly/1dDZ71
— Miami Marlins (@Marlins) September 8, 2009
Hmm, that Giancarlo Stanton guy is really tearing it up with the Jacksonville Suns. The Marlins are going to love having him on board for the next 15-20 years as he leads the team back to pennant contention…
Welcome to the Friendly Confines of Twitter! This will be the Official Twitter of the Cubs going forward. Follow us and let’s get some runs!
— Chicago Cubs (@Cubs) May 19, 2009
[Googles common baseball terms] Alright guys, let’s, um, get some runs!
pirates plan to start daniel mccutchen tomorrow in cincinnati
— Pirates (@Pirates) August 30, 2009
i am not going to properly capitalize this section because of this wonderful little tweet. “pirates plan to start daniel mccutchen tomorrow in cincinnati” is a gem and i will not be convinced otherwise. mccutchen got a no-decision in a pirates’ 4-3 loss to the reds on august 31, 2009, after pitching six innings and allowing three earned runs.
he struck out five of the 25 batters he faced and allowed a solo home run to drew stubbs. mccutchen also had a hit as a batter in the game, the first of a day/night double-header. alright, thanks.
St. Louis Cardinals
Save up to 50% off Cardinals gear and merchandise in the new Summer Clearance area – great deals! http://is.gd/2zOIx
— St. Louis Cardinals (@Cardinals) August 26, 2009
Oh, cool! I am going to purchase a jersey of my favorite player on the 2009 Cardinals, John Smoltz! (Believe it or not, that actually happened!)
My money is on the White car to win the KOI Auto Parts race tonight on the videoboard at GABP
— Cincinnati Reds (@Reds) April 29, 2009
Can anyone help me out here? I want to know if the white car won the KOI Auto Parts race on the video board at Great American Ballpark on April 29, 2009. Please?
Watch out Nelson, Prince is heating up. That last one was 480 feet. Goodness. #hrderby
— Milwaukee Brewers (@Brewers) July 14, 2009
Your regular reminder that Prince Fielder rules.
That’s all 30 teams, and that’s 30 pretty terrible tweets. If you have the link to any other awful, early tweets from major-league clubs, drop them down in the comments or on my Twitter, @TomDorsa.